how to be single
“OH MY GOD, HE BOUGHT YOU STUFF AT SCOUT AND YOU STAYED AT SUNSET TOWER ALL WEEKEND?!” my engaged friend exclaims to me at dinner, “UGH THIS IS WHEN I MISS BEING SINGLE!”
he met up with me at my apartment, he lives in a different country and in LA just to meet me. i had just finished a photo shoot and my hair was still slightly wet from showering. i wore a brandy melville mini skirt and my highest heeled shoes, dressed in costume.
this was our first time meeting, yet he called us an Uber Black SUV straight to Agent Provocateur.
he was tall, had tattoos covering his arms and chest. objectively hot, someone i felt almost proud? showing around town.
i tried on lingerie at Agent, but was shy. i have never purchased lingerie before. the sales associate hovered near my dressing room curtain, as if she had been trained to recognize this situation before i could.
i tell my friend “NO BUT YOU’LL PITY ME WHEN I’M 40 AND HAVE NO FAMILY AND YOU’RE HAPPILY MARRIED.”
i think back to a month ago when i too thought i was going to settle down and have a family with someone.
i think well, men will fuck you over anyway, might as well reap the benefits while you can.
throughout the weekend, he kept finding ways to remind me that other women wanted him.
he told me, with the excitement of a teenage boy “THIS HOT GIRL AT MEL’S DINER ASKED IF I WAS AN ARTIST LAST NIGHT.”
i laughed, what a telling thing to say. he was over 40 years old, successful and still collecting evidence that he was desirable.
being single is performing and proving.
sunday night i pay for my own UberX and go home. not because anything went wrong but because the weekend is over. the car is smaller, smells of air freshener covering something up.
i unpack everything from my LL Bean bag, feeling almost guilty with my evidence. Agent Provocateur, Issey Miyake, Prada wedges.
i have work in the morning and my body is tired.
i could not tell you if i had fun or if i was faking it. probably both.
Author’s note: the dates on the instax mini film above is incorrect. they were taken on 06.14.2026.
Not because anything went wrong but because the weekend was over 🙏🙏🙏